bravery - finding your inner courage
From anaphylaxis to mountain biking – fear is just an emotion
Fear is something that I have faced on a regular basis over the last 17 years. From having a baby with life-threatening food allergies to learning to ride a mountain bike I’ve been fascinated by fear and the influence it can have on our lives. As an adult I’ve been consumed with the sense that I will not be controlled by an emotion – fear. Each time I overcome a ‘fear’ I feel stronger, more confident and more alive. I have accepted that not only is fear is an essential part of living for me, but also that how you deal with it is strangely addictive.
My approach to raising a child with anaphylaxis was the same as my approach to learning to do features on a mountain bike; it’s just like crossing the road, you learn the techniques and then you have to trust and just do it. I realised earlier this year that, without exception, every single trail feature that I’ve been afraid of has turned out to be a favourite, once I’ve learned how to do it. They often still engender fear in me, but I’ve learned to look passed that, play with the feelings and trust that once I’m doing the line, drop or jump, I will be fine.
She Flies – Lockdown Loving – Bravery
Being fascinated by fear and our ways of dealing with it, I signed up to the latest Lockdown Loving session run by She Flies, on the topic of Bravery and Finding Your Inner Courage. If you’ve not heard of She Flies before, it’s a social enterprise business run by Josie West, aimed at promoting women in extreme sports. In this session Josie was interviewing Katka Salandova, sports psychologist and kiteboarder, and Lisa Baloo, pro wakeboarder. More than 40 extreme sports women from around the world logged on for an interesting and honest discussion. Days later, I’m still reflecting on several elements of the conversation that really struck a chord with me.
Sensation Seekers
Many of us who are drawn to extreme sports are described in psychology as ‘sensation seekers’. I’ve heard this term in the context of autism and ‘stimming’ but never in relation to sports, though it makes total sense. The way Katka described it was that for sensation seekers our dopamine receptors are calibrated so that we need extra levels of dopamine and adrenaline to trigger the same feel-good feelings that other get. Listening to Katka, I knew exactly what she meant, the first time I discovered mountain biking as an adult, it was the sensation of the rear wheel skidding under me that registered in my brain and body. It reminded me of the feeling of sailing a dinghy on the edge of control, the thrill of ripping across the water.
I now describe myself as ‘a cyclist’ rather than purely a mountain biker because I’m happy when my legs are turning, but there are definite differences in how cycling makes me feel. Riding my full suspension bike in the woods, pushing hard to clean a technical climb or racing downhill weaving round corners and getting airborne gives me an addictive response. Riding a gravel bike cross-country is hugely rewarding and pleasurable but inevitably I find myself drawn down the rooty path rather than the tarmac. The drop bars and lack of suspension ramps up the flighty nature of the bike and back comes the adrenaline rush and dopamine fix that I crave. Equally, the sense of being alone in an unknown environment can create the same reaction. The more I think about it, the more I understand what each form of riding gives me and why I would find it very hard to give up that thrill. I’m planning to start kiteboarding next year and whilst the thought learning a new sport is daunting, I can see that with practice it will deliver the adrenaline rush I crave.
Stories we tell ourselves – using the positive to overcome the negative bias
As humans, our brains are programmed to respect our fears. Naturally we are drawn to negative thoughts, which means that we have to work extra hard to overcome that bias. How do you break the cycle of fear and move forwards? Katka explained that, by examining all the scenarios, where you crash and where you succeed you’re able to separate the fear from the reality. Effectively you reach a point where you acknowledge the fear but you see that it isn’t the only possible outcome.
This makes total sense to me: over the first lockdown many new lines appeared in our local woods including one with a delicious jump over a tree-trunk. The trail itself could have been made for me – off camber, tight and twisty, steep (for our local woods anyway), bits of flint, chalk and roots thrown in to keep you focused. It’s just perfect! This log jump makes it even more fun because it comes immediately before a tight left and right S-bend, forcing you to think ahead and be light and agile on the bike. However, the jump is blind in the run up – you can’t see the landing and have no idea how big it is. The first time I approached it, I felt that tingle of excitement and nerves (remembering that they are in fact the same) and the sinking feeling that I wouldn’t just ride it straight off. Rather than following previous behaviour patterns I made a deal with myself. I was not going to even attempt this jump until I had given myself time to make friends with it, understand it and really experiment psychologically with it.
Many people find that following someone else over a feature is easiest, but I know that my brain often won’t accept that. I need to sit with a feature or trail and really consider all the scenarios before I tackle it. Before I even got on my bike to try the log jump, I literally went and sat next to it. I remembered all the features that I’d spent months telling myself negative stories about, only to find that I loved them when I rode them and I visualised what it would feel like to pop off the log. I sensed that buzz in my body and pictured the grin on my face. Only when I’d accepted all the scenarios and really focused on the positives did I feel calm and ready to ride the jump. I still felt that fear and the first attempt was not very pretty, but I did it.
It’s ok to walk away, just don’t ever lie to yourself
It’s easy to think that if someone is better than you (especially if they are a world champ) that they don’t feel fear or that it’s different to the fear that you feel. Taking a look at videos of Lisa Baloo riding a wakeboard and you’d assume that she is always 100% comfortable on the board, but she explained she is affected by fear as much as anyone. Maybe the difference is that she’s learned to accept that fear is part of the thrill of the ride and works with her brain to get the best out of it. She made it really clear that it’s ok to walk away if you’re not feeling ready to do something on the day. It doesn’t mean you will never do it again or that you will never be able to do it in the first place. It simply means that you are being honest with yourself and respecting your mind and body. Lisa was emphatic that self-honesty is non-negotiable. Lisa will not say she is going to do something if there’s even a bit of doubt in her mind: ultimately, we have to be able to trust ourselves. The great thing is that while we’re learning to trust ourselves there are often others, like coaches, that can help prove to us what we’re capable of. Even at Lisa’s level she said there are times when she relies on others to bolster her bravery.
Where can you learn more?
Thank you so much to Josie, Katka and Lisa for a brilliant session. If you’d like to listen to it, it’s now available as a podcast at https://www.she-flies.com/post/the-she-flies-podcast . There are several other books and podcasts on this that might be of interest too:
- Mindset by Dr Carol S Dweck